absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
