I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
