upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
