Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
