Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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