ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
