He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
