Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
