Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
