my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
