im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
