There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
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In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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