Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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