i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
