She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
