Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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