Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Randomize
