Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
