halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
