He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
