mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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