hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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