Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
