it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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