YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
