i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
