So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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