his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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