Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
