Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
