So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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