theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
