By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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