Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
