I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
