I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
