he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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