I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
