You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
