lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
