Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
