For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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