So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize