Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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