you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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