what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
