When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
