This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
