I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
