So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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