My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
