he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
