I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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