remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
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I will pee on everything he values.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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