So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
one might say we're banned from that church
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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