People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
