where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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