i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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