Screwed.edu
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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