i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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