So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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