I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
