I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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