If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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