with your own penis?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
