The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
