I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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