last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
