I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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