I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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