You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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