Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This house was built for laser tag.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
