I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
